chrisissnowie

It really is! The fact that I haven't updated in so long is sinful!

Expect regular updates and blogs soon, I have a LOT of stuff to chat about...

SNOWIE
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With my first entry to this fine site, I feel a little guilty. The following words are nothing but my current hurt and heartache spewed up onto the screen through furious fingers skimming across my keyboard. I apologize in advance for the excess doses of 'angsty-teen' that this article contains.

So yeah, hello.

After a few months of lazy days and relaxed ways set after the completion of my two years at Pendleton College where I studied Performing Arts, I find myself entering the much more grown up world of Salford University. So far so good, and I'm loving every second I'm there. But this entry isn't about that joyous subject, something I will no doubt touch upon another time.

My best friend and soul mate, Lucy, has also gone to 'Uni'. She attends at Edge Hill near Ormskirk, which to those who don't know is a fair distance from my home city of Manchester for people such as myself who are without cars or enough money to catch regular trains. Over the summer I have been ridiculously obsessive in my quest of making sure that she will be okay once in her new home setting at the university's campus, and have taken great lengths to assure her that, despite her reluctance to leave home, she will be perfectly fine and settle in easily.

It's weird to find that my mind is unhappy at the thought of her settling in comfortably. Because though I only wish for her to be happy, I am ridiculously jealous that she has begun a new life without me. I, though attending a new educational centre and making new friends, am stuck in the city that I love and hate so much in equal measure, whilst Lucy and many more of my closest friends have gone on to pastures new and started their next chapters.

So wrapped up in reassuring others, I never once got around to assessing my own future during the past few months. And when Lucy, the last of my loved ones to move on, left this Sunday I found myself feeling something new and terrible. I have felt a mix of loss, anger, jealousy and many other emotions I can't be bothered to write up, fill my head and my heart. I sit on my bed for hours on end, waiting for them all to text or call, but as soon as I realize that they're all busy living, I wonder why I am not.

So I guess, until I adjust, I'm going to spend most of my immediate future wallowing in self-pity. And until my first pay cheque arrives during October, I'll have nowhere to go and no one to travel to for company. I remain moody, uncharacteristically depressed and utterly alone.

Meh.